i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
