Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
