Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
