Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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