party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
