and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
