Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
