You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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