The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize