If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
