So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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