i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
