Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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