i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
