So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
