her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
