i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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