I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I want to fling myself into the sun
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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