I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
