Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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