I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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