The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
