i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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