I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
