his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
