So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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