we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
where are you?
Hypothermia
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
