Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
