every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
