why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
