Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
