return my video game
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
