I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
