I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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