I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
