We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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