Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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