We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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