could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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