I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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