she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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