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The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
