Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
