i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
