Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
