His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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