I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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