Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
