wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
