Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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