i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
