Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
