I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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