There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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