i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
