It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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