Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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