Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
