i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
