And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
