Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
