I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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