does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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