My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
