Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
