I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
