I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This baby is an asshole
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
