no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
