you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
