Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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