i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
