Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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