You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
