how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
