Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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