I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize