I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
