Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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