woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
