How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
