operation harelip BJ is a go
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
