I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize