chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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