So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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